Nurses Plan Counter-Attack Against British Squirrels

According to the Telegraph, nurses who work in rural areas in the U.K. are under assault by squirrels, and are now being instructed to “walk in pairs” to avoid violent confrontations and to “make loud noises” to scare them off. (When has that ever worked?)

“One district nurse was left with “reddening of the scalp” after being attacked.

In her “squirrel attack report” she wrote: “On walking up farm access I was jumped upon by a squirrel. Then another landed on my head.” She rated the “severity of incident” as “insignificant to catastrophic”.

That’s quite a big range, no? Insignificant to catastrophic?

The article ends with an equally puzzling sentence:

“Last year, inventor Mike Madden suffered whiplash after a squirrel leapt on him as he tested a head-mounted bird feeding try in Huddersfield.”

(He put a bird feeder on his head? This is like holding out a bloody steak in your hand and then blaming a dog for biting you.)

Speak, rodent:

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