Squirrel Jesus and the Golden Acorn

This week, bad-boy Dallas Quick humor columnist Gordon Keith mourns the end of his lifelong effort to never hit squirrels with his car.

“He covered his eyes with his little front paws and screamed. The nut fell from his mouth in slow motion and bounced into a storm grate. I screamed inside my car. Neighbors screamed inside their homes.”

The squirrel might had met a different fate had it been holding a bag of weed.

I once hit a deer so hard on a country road that he sailed through my windshield and ended up spread-eagle in the passenger’s seat. Fortunately, he was unhurt, and rode all the way to Phoenix with me, loading the one-hitter and working the iPod.”

Speak, rodent:

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